A Self-Care Guide for Moms

I’ve been a mom for 3+ years now, and have been working with moms for as much time. Through both first- and secondhand experience, I can confidently say that one of the biggest struggles of motherhood is simply taking care of oneself. I don’t just mean feeding, bathing, and clothing (although those things can be a struggle some days), I mean actually taking time to nourish and flourish.

Going from non-mom to mom is a powerful, unpredictable, transformative experience. No matter how many books you read and how much advice you soak up, there is no way to know how you’ll handle it until you’re in the thick of it. I think it’s fair to say that in the beginning, you just try to get you and baby through the day alive. And I also think that’s enough! But spend too much time in survival mode, and your physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and social health will suffer.

My self-care practice has grown and evolved greatly as I’ve learned more about myself and what I truly need (shoutout to my son for providing so many lessons!). In the beginning, I was focused solely on making time for physical fitness because I thought that’s what you were supposed to do after baby: “get your body back.” Now, that notion is total BS to me (check out this guest blog post I wrote about motherhood and body image ) and I realize that self-care and nourishment encompass so much more than exercise.

I think it’s unrealistic (maybe impossible) to ever have a perfectly balanced life, and that’s ok. But there are several areas of life that deserve our regular attention, if not every day then at least weekly or monthly. In this post I’ll outline those areas that help me stay balanced, in flow, and help me maintain my own identity as a person, not just “mom.”

I feel it’s important to note that there will be times when you need to be in survival mode and during those times, focusing on this list might be too overwhelming. During the survival mode times, know that it’s ok to just do the bare minimum to keep yourself and the kids alive. Know that it will pass, things will get better, and so will you. If you feel like you’re drowning and you need help, never ever hesitate or feel ashamed to reach out and ask for it. Ask your insurance company to connect you with a therapist and get the help you need.

Sleep

It’s one of the first things to go when you become a mom, am I right? But you know it and I know it: good sleep is necessary for a healthy, happy life. So be honest with yourself right now: how much sleep do you need to function at your best? What can you do to ensure you’re consistently getting that much sleep? Can you go to bed earlier? Can you ask your partner to get up with the baby some nights? Can you nap when baby naps? Before you protest, I know there will always be other things to do and sleep might feel like you’re wasting precious productivity time. BUT imagine how much more productive and efficient you’d be on 8 hours of sleep instead of your usual 4?

I personally need 7-8 hours of solid sleep to wake up feeling rested. So even though I have a ton on my To Do list, I make myself start winding down at 9 and go to bed before 10pm. As early as possible, I’ll dim the lights, get comfy, stop snacking, and put away my phone. I get my best sleep when I do some light stretching and a short meditation (5 minutes does the trick) right before I lay down. It sounds simple, and it is! Just setting the intention to get better sleep, will help you get better sleep. If you’re feeling panicked about going to sleep with so much still on your list, try repeating this mantra: “I have done enough today.”

Good food

I don’t mean good food as in tasty, although you don’t have to sacrifice taste! I mean that eating real, good, whole foods has an incredibly powerful effect on your health and well-being and it’s time to prioritize it if you aren’t already. I could write about this topic all day, but I’ll just say this: you deserve to feel good, have energy, and fuel your body properly. Skipping meals because you’re “too busy to eat,” grabbing fast food at the drive-thru, or eating your kid’s leftover crumbs is not good enough. Yes, we all have days that we just have to get through. But making healthy food choices a consistent habit is too important to slack on. Ok, lecture over. Some suggestions: meal plan (grab a free sample plan here), meal prep, stock the fridge with tons of fresh fruits and veggies, throw a meal prep party with your mom friends, pay for a weekly meal delivery service, make double or triple what you need so you can live off leftovers for a few days. Whatever you need to do to make healthy choices happen, do that!

Physical activity

I don’t have to tell you that exercise is necessary for a healthy life, but in my opinion it’s necessary for our sanity, too. No one’s telling you to go out and spend money on a gym membership or a jogging stroller. Physical activity could be as simple as stretching in bed when you wake up or having a dance party with your kids in the living room. The important thing is that you are moving and shaking up the energy in your body. You need to release the energy and emotion that you take on from your kids, partner, coworkers, etc. throughout the day, otherwise all that energy grows stagnant in your body and manifests itself in unhealthy ways. Plus, the feel-good endorphins definitely help keep your mind right, too! My advice is to listen carefully to your body. Some days you might crave a good, sweaty workout and other days child’s pose on your yoga mat might be enough. Just focus on feeling good and releasing energy/toxins, and you’ll be golden.

Quiet time alone

Different people need different amounts of quiet time, but we all need some! By quiet time alone, I don’t mean vegging on the couch with Netflix and a glass of wine after the kids go to bed (although that’s nice, too). I do mean reading in a room by yourself, going for a walk outside, meditating before bed, going for a drive...you get the picture. All day long you’re soaking up everyone else’s energy and tending to other people’s needs. It’s so important to have at least a few minutes completely alone everyday to cleanse all of that energy and just Be with yourself. Becoming a mom is like becoming a completely new woman, and it’s important to give yourself the time and space to get to know her.

Time with people who inspire you

This can be difficult for a lot of moms (and really anyone) because it requires some vulnerability. In order to find those people who lift you up, inspire and energize you, you have to put yourself in a position to meet them. If you already have these people, GREAT. Schedule time with them weekly or monthly when you can step out of your normal scenery and be with them! Get some dinner, take a class, see a show, or simply sit at a park and chat about the mysteries of life. If you don’t have any of these people, it’s time to get some. Join groups online for people with similar interests and attend a meet-up, start your own group or meet-up, introduce yourself to the woman at yoga who always wears the comfiest looking leggings, strike up a conversation with the mom behind you in line at the grocery store. It’s going to be uncomfortable at first and you’re not going to click with everyone you meet, but I’m telling you firsthand that when you do find your peeps, it will be well worth the feelings of discomfort and awkwardness. And remember: most of us are looking to connect with other moms because it’s just in our nature to desire a tribe! So most of the women you talk to will be grateful you made a move.

Time with your partner

It’s not a secret that raising children can be incredibly straining on a relationship. There is new pressure on one or both parties to make money, make the children happy, make the house clean, make dinner, make love, and about one million other little things that come up on the daily. Sometimes just the “busy”ness of life can leave us feeling like passing ships in the night, which is why it’s so important to carve out time to be together. To remind each other that you’re in this thing together, to get back on the same page where you’ve fallen off, to re-connect as people who are growing both together and apart. Mike and I have a few things we try to make non-negotiable like weekly lunches just us 2, monthly date nights, and we usually have at least one TV show we watch together and talk about throughout the week (right now it’s obviously Game of Thrones). We’ve also just moved into a new house, so the house projects have been a fun way for us to connect lately. Whatever it is for you, just make sure you’re being fully present with your partner and leaving all the petty daily annoyances at the door. And if you’re having an issue that’s bigger than a petty annoyance, be sure to intentionally carve out a specific time to communicate it. Letting those fester too long never ends well.

Creativity

I didn’t realize how important this one was until I started making time for it. For me, my creative pursuits have evolved over time. First they took the form of creating pretty PDFs to support my customers in my MLM business. Then I started teaching babywearing dance classes and creating warm-ups and choreography every week. Now I express my creativity as much and as often as possible in my daily life. Decorating our new home (shopping, thrifting, DIYing), handwork like crochet and felting, writing for this blog, email newsletters, and my social media accounts, creating guided meditations for my audience, and so much more. My coaching business has required the most creativity not only in content creation and marketing, but in the actual act of working with clients and intuiting their individual, unique needs. If you’re not sure what kind of creative outlet you’d like, I suggest just trying things out! Take a friend to a paint-and-sip night out, buy an adult coloring book, make a new recipe in the kitchen, create a nature mandala with your kids. It doesn’t have to be complicated or monumentous, just start adding some color and creativity into your life and notice how it feeds your soul.

To some this list may seem vague or basic, and to others it may seem impossibly overwhelming. But as you read it, just take what resonates and see where you can start implementing small changes. Try different things out and see what works and what doesn’t. Again, it doesn’t have to be complicated. The simple mindset shift that YOU matter and that taking time for yourself isn’t just good for you, but good for everyone around you, will make a positive difference. If you have any other tips on self-care or if this resonated with you, please leave a comment and share this post with a mama friend who would love it!